As Long As We’re Giving
Honest Names to Government Departments
David Swanson / David Swanson.org

(September 5, 2025) — A fit of honesty by a liar driven by sincere malevolent support for a long-euphemistically disguised project (Trump restoring the name “Department of War”) should not be occasion to marvel at agreement with Trumpolini. Nor should it be occasion to assume he’s blurting out the truth because he’s dying. Rather, we ought to take this opportunity to propose brutally honest names for the whole government.

If Defense becomes War, then . . .

• Congress becomes Royal Court.
• House of Representatives becomes House of Misrepresentatives.
• Senate becomes Chamber of Antiquities for the Protection of Oligarchy.
• White House becomes Nuclear-Armed Throne.
• State becomes Lawfare.
• Health and Human Services becomes Lifespan Reduction.
• Interior becomes Extractivism.
• Housing and Urban Development becomes Rent’s Too Damn Low.
• Homeland Security becomes Fatherland Purity.
• Education becomes Revelation.
• Energy becomes Nukes, Gas, Coal, and Profits.
• Transportation becomes You Left Your House It’s Your Problem.
• Labor becomes CEOs
• Commerce becomes Piracy.
• Agriculture becomes What Doesn’t Kill You Buy More Of.
• Treasury becomes Lockheed Savings and Checking.
• Justice becomes Loyalty Enforcement.

And

• Veterans Affairs becomes You Fall for the Propaganda, You Deal with the Moral Injury, Suckers.

I’m perfectly serious, and would challenge you to show me anything inaccurate in applying such honest names. We shouldn’t be scared of honesty. We shouldn’t worry that if we call things what they are people will lose respect for those things. Whether you give up on something or work to fix it is a subsequent decision. Until you name the problem you’re not deciding anything at all.

Renaming the Departments of the US Government
Don Smith / Progressive Memess

Trump should rename DoD the Department of Perpetual War, or Department of Unjust War.

Also:

DoD = Department of Death, or Department of Destruction

ICE = Intimidation, Cruelty & Expulsions, or Inhuman Cruelty Enterprise

FBI = Federal Bureau of Intimidation, or Federal Bureau of Intrusion

CIA = Coup Instigators Anonymous

IRS = Inequality Reinforcement Service

SEC = Scandals Enabled Constantly

EPA = Environmental Pollution Authority, or Extractive Profits Agency

NSA = Never-ending Surveillance Agency, or  No Secrets Allowed (for civilians)

DOJ = Department of Just-us

CDC = Center for Disease Creation

DHS = Department of Hate and Surveillance, or Department of Hate and Scapegoating

HHS = Harm Health Services

Supreme Court = Extreme Court, or Supremely Extreme Court