by “Moja” — A Soldier’s Blog from Iraq –
http://turningtables.blogspot.com
September 1, 2003
There was some kind of screaming…i’m in bed…and i’m being waken up by something other then my alarm clock and my girlfriend once more…something bad…not mortars…or explosions…or even small arms fire…but screaming…horrible pain filled sobbing…in a flash i’m up…out the door into the dark…bare foot and shirtless…there’s already a crowd forming…others are walking out into the night…the moon is a sliver and barely noticeable…
in the street…i can hear the soldier…he’s running…back and forth…other soldiers are starting to circle him…trying to keep him from running off into the woods…he’s yelling vicious things…about being shot at…about shooting at other people…about killing his commanders family…and in between every exasperated scream there is a sob…a gut wrenching moan…tear filled…and uncontrolled…
“this soldiers freaking out”…
i’ve never witnessed a total collapse of a human being before…it was intimidating…and scary…the soldier was truly out of any type of control…and i felt like anything could happen…i begin to worry…”does he have a weapon”…
i’m back inside my tent…my shoes on…out in the street again…my l.t. standing next to me…everyone is trying to move in closer while keeping a safe distance…all of us out here have live ammo…this soldier wouldn’t be afraid to use it in his state…he would kill who ever was threatening him…real or perceived…i’m not getting as close as the others…
i can see the short command sergeant major…someone went and woke her…i realize that there is nothing that i can do for this guy…his problems run to deep to be fixed in one night…and i need my sleep…it’s 02:45…
back in my cot…i can still hear him…he’s screaming to the point of voice failure…he wants to kill someone real bad…his footfalls are loud as he takes off for where ever he’s trying to get to…he’s so far gone that he doesn’t realize that there is no place to go…back and forth…across the street…into the gravel across from the tents…sobbing…from deep within his gut…harder then i’ve ever cried…
maynerd james keenan once told me at a concert…”what the world needs is to just cry it’s eyes out”…there is some truth in that…
his screams start to fade off…he’s pulling himself together…and i wonder what started this…what tripped his wire…what set him off…will he be able to put it all back together…
